Feeling constantly on edge at home or at work can take a real toll on your wellbeing. When every comment feels personal or every situation feels like a challenge, it may be a sign that your stress response and protective instincts are working overtime. According to Sydney-based success coach Muffy Churches, this is a common pattern, and it often stems from the ego stepping in too forcefully.
Muffy, author of Coach Yourself and director of Beyond Focal Point, explains that our reactions are shaped by a lifetime of learned behaviours, old emotional wounds and accumulated stress. When the ego goes into high-alert mode, it can misinterpret even small moments as threats, pushing us straight into fight-or-flight
Expert Tips to Calm Your Ego
To help regain balance and respond more constructively, Muffy shares five practical strategies:
1. Observe Your Reactions
Start by simply noticing when you feel defensive, irritated or overwhelmed. Ask yourself whether the intensity of your emotion matches the situation or whether you may be overreacting. Awareness is the first step towards change.
2. Create the ‘Gap’
Between any experience and your response, there is always a brief pause—whether you realise it or not. Step consciously into this moment. Taking a breath before you react gives you the space to choose a calmer, more intentional response.
3. Shift Your Focus
When stress dominates your thinking, it’s easy to lose sight of what’s working well in your life. Redirecting your attention to the positive, even briefly, can reset your emotional state and help you feel more grounded and in control.
4. Know Your Triggers
Understanding what sets off your defensive responses is empowering. These triggers might relate to current pressures such as health or financial concerns or deeper emotional patterns like feeling dismissed or undervalued. Identifying them helps you respond more thoughtfully instead of reacting automatically.
5. Plan Ahead
Strong reactions often happen when you’re caught off guard. Thinking ahead about potentially challenging situations such as meetings, conversations or stressful moments allows you to prepare how you want to feel and respond. This proactive approach keeps you in control, even in high-pressure moments.
By recognising your triggers, pausing before reacting and making conscious choices about your mindset, you can ease unnecessary stress and support your emotional wellbeing. These small daily shifts can make meaningful difference in how you feel, communicate and navigate your world.