Confidence. Some of us were born with it. For others, it is harder to muster.
Sheryl Sandberg’s popular tome, ‘Lean In’ confessions about navigating the corporate arena provided both a sense of solidarity and relief to many females struggling in the corporate environment.
Finally, we heard from a young, dynamic and ridiculously successful overachiever, who was being authentic about a work culture that demanded her all.
But, there was just one chapter missing – how we develop the core confidence to do the actual ‘leaning’ part – the part that requires us to present to the CEO, speak with authority to a boardroom of men over 50, be interviewed by an intimidating panel of people and probably be confronted with a keynote speech when we least expect it?
Here we take a look at the most common weak spots and techniques to improve:
1. Dress with Authority
The number one concern from HR directors across every sector is that people don’t make enough effort in presentation. Every morning ask yourself – if you ran into the CEO of the business who you are currently pitching to – would you be representing your personal brand in a way that you would be proud of? This may prompt you to pay greater attention to the details, like adding a belt to a shift dress or getting a blow dry that lasts more than a day.
2. Become comfortable with confrontation
Manage situations before they get out of control by using a negative signal to create a positive change. For example, if a colleague is being dismissive of you in meetings by checking his/her mobile phone, after the meeting is over, use a neutral and polite tone to ask if they actually realise what they are doing and can they please adjust their behaviour.
3. Make Eye Contact
Direct eye contact is critical for building trust. If you shy away from looking your boss in the eye it can come across as distrustful. Try holding a friendly gaze for a while – a few seconds at a time, and over time it will become second nature.
4. Stop Making Apologetic Statements
As women, we tend to over apologise, but in all truth, it gets us nowhere. Apologetic statements become self-diminishing qualifiers. Instead of using saying “Sorry if you can’t hear me’ replace it with ‘If you can’t hear me I’ll turn the microphone up’.
5. Understand your voice
Without knowing it, we can undermine our own authority by doing something as simple as allowing our voice to rise at the end of a statement. Don’t be in doubt about what you say, use inflection that reinforces your confidence.
6. Body Language
People make sweeping judgements about us based on the way we use our body language. The most common mistake women make is unconsciously tilting their head to one side when speaking with their CEO or clients, which the receiver unconsciously reads as the speaker being in doubt. So straighten up and be taken seriously.
7. Develop a personal rehearsal technique
Don’t let nerves get in the way of your chance to engage and influence the board. Manage anxiety by writing down three steps that will help you prepare to deliver. For example; know your content, ten deep breaths and wear the highest heels you have.
8. Listen more than you talk
In some cases, you can have more impact by saying nothing and absorbing the thoughts of others. Listen actively to colleagues, clients and the CEO and always try to bring something new and unexpected to the conversation that may create obstacles or provide opportunities for the business.
9. Organise your thoughts
If you are asked to deliver a short report, do you have a plan? Find a blueprint that helps you define your intro, information and end. Steer clear of tangents and welcome questions after your conclusion to take the conversation further.
10. Find your confidence trigger
Whatever it is that makes you feel great by 8am, do it. If that’s hitting the treadmill, engaging in some flirty banter with your barista, getting your hair blow-dried or listening to a TED talk – then do it. If you’re not feeling great about yourself, you won’t deliver and you may start believing those who don’t believe in you. Feeling great DOES translate – having a bad haircut or wearing clothes that don’t fit properly will undermine your natural authority and leave you more vulnerable to criticism.
11. Don’t Endorse Queen Bee Behaviour
Queen bees are senior women who don’t just fail to support your ambition, they actively block you from opportunity. Don’t be intimidated and don’t enable the subtle sabotage – demonstrate courage and leadership. In a warm and friendly tone, state the context of the behaviour and request a change that will model positive behaviour. Escalating the issue to HR should be a last resort.
12. Create your own board of directors
Every major business has a body of elected or appointed members to oversee the activities of the CEO – but why wait to be a running an organisation to engage the support of an expert professional team? Identify an adviser (a person in your industry who could challenge your ideas) a connector (a networking supremo who could suggest people to pitch to) and an advocate (a well placed person in an organisation to advocate on your behalf to secure training sessions)
13. Communicating with authenticity
Be honest about who you are and have that translate to the way you deal with people. And if you’ve made a mistake, volunteer it before someone else does. Be kind instead of being right, and if you’re in a job that’s not 100 percent right for you, then resign.
None of us would run a marathon without training for it. Building confidence also means training and practice. It requires us to be more aware of our own communication style, so we can gradually stop unconsciously undermining our authority, slowly adopt stronger patterns of communicating and allow ourselves not just to survive the workplace, but truly thrive.
